Other people's problems

Have you come across with the feeling that during intercourse man crushes on you, manipulate, and you're doing everything the way you want it, forgetting about their intere
s
ts? I think, many stayed in such a situation. This is the most striking example of violation of personality psychological borders, on which I would like to talk about today.

What is it, psychological boundaries? You can give a complex definition of the books. But in fact, they felt like my boundaries "and not" my ". In "mine" inc
l
udes: my space-alien m
y needs-strangers my
problems-chuzhie my
values-chuzhie my
feelings-strangers, etc.

One person the various aspects of these borders can be developed to varying degrees. For example, a woman can empathize close to such an extent that other people's problems and difficult experiences give the impression that all this is happening in her own life. In this case, psychologists speak of blurry boundaries. But she defends its values so zealously that even not aware that foreign values also have a right to exist. Then we are talking about overly rigid boundaries.

Usually you ask two questions
:
1. Where is the line between rigidity and respect boundaries? You know, that's okay-empathize with loved ones.

Indeed, we can pečalit′ the pain of loved ones. Compassion, sympathy is also a sign of a healthy individual. However, if someone else's pain paralyzes and does not rejoice in what is happening in our own lives, it is not compassion, it's a symbiosis. And this is beneficial to both. We dive into someone else's life, when you don't know what to do with their own. In psychology this is called sozavisimye relations. Example is the wife of alcoholics, happiness and misfortune which depends on the husband comes drunk or sober. In marriage, where the sozavisimye relationship is not so developed, the wife find strength to rejoice in its successes and events, even if another problem now.

In a co-dependent relationship we cannot help close, we are drowning in a sea of his grief or other negative feelings rather than support.

As a psychologist I often work with negative emotions and know that if you sit down and cry along with the client-nothing happens.

2. Where is the line between selfishness and respect boundaries? You know, that's okay-help friends.

Yes, if you're doing this voluntarily, it meets your personal needs and you realize this.

If you have a need to financially assist my brother because you have heart rejoices when you see it in the eyes of developing its business and turns out harmful boys in real man-great! If you give him money every time with the feeling that without you this Slacker still fail and he should be grateful-coffin you brother sewed together better-for his own good. Helping against their will you injure yourself, Yes, and for whom you do such assistance are unlikely to benefit.

Mother Teresa said: "in the end, all that you are doing, not to people; It need only you and God. "these words at one time helped me understand very important and simple thing-the world will not collapse without me, and if I can help, then do it for fun, not because I'm such an irreplaceable and without me.

Let's learn to appreciate yourself not for what someone without us lost, but for what we just eat)