The uninvited aides
As someone who has to learn to honestly seek help, today I would like to express my gratitude to the "tactless" people. I mean people who feel bad and wrong personal boundaries. Because of this they often spill over to whom horrible intimate things, assuming the extra, give advice, behave impolitely, asking awkward questions, in General, a nuisance to everyone. As a rule, they still go, and use their openness and kindness, answer these guys often hide their anger under redundant killogrammami, skin problems or mask of Mother Teresa.
But most importantly, they help when not asked to. This is the flip side of sensitivity. And sometimes it's very handy. For whom?
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When I was really bad, I met a few such people. I couldn't ask for help, and they literally dragged me out of the terrible condition. And I am immensely grateful! Yes, then when things started to improve, of course, I became to notice faux pas issues vybaltyvanie strangers mysteries, etc. And, of course, condemned and ottalkivala. And I'm sorry that sometimes I chose too hard ways that different I couldn't.
Two sides of the fence
I myself was so tactless for other people, and then was surprised when people refused to lead a intimate with me-intimate conversations, when he had all the time.
Having been on both sides of the barricades, I want to say:
1) If you encounter such an "ungrateful", you might have had help and support when you have not requested, allowed to break their bounds and violated other people's
2) if around you a lot bestaktnyh and večnolezuŝih people, ask yourself whether you are aware of your needs and ask for help directly, honestly expressing the need. Not "what are you doing tonight?" and "I feel bad, please hear me out tonight, I need your support." If not, then you really need, and therefore were next, because their request is not necessary, help themselves.
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Who needs impolite people?
The failure to ask the right, unbelief in what help is available, fear addicted are pushing us to manipulation. And who are "? Of course, such open, kind and "limitless" people. They, of course, also in their game play, but it's not about that.
When I realized this, I really wanted to build relations differently. In the circle of my friends appeared, those who forgot my suffering, whether heavy or heavy bag) at first I rejoiced: "I finally left alone!", then dosadstvovala: "you see, himself/herself tons on me your tears/irritation pours, and me not even dental, that I have going on"
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The ability to request
And then I start asking. At first clumsily and not what you want then bashfully, briefly and plainly case without taking inside what I gave in response. And now relaxed, sincerely, with gratitude and a sense of dignity.
And I was really shocked how supporting, empathetic, caring can be view on my indifferent friends! Thanks to them! But I wouldn't, if I had not experience relationships, in which a man threw help on first my vzdohu, change the color of the face or weight (and such).
It doesn't matter why, but they helped me when I didn't even know that can't ask when unknowingly manipulated, concealed vulnerability behind the mask of omniscience, and complaints under the philosophical thoughts about life. Now I've learned to ask and be thankful, stop, and stop in time spend energy more consciously, efficiently and, of course, gladly. )))
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We all come from childhood
But when something was different, and I really appreciate this experience.
I don't want to dismiss it, so today I write "praises tactless people".
It as tribute to our awkward, "limitless" and children's desire to be approved and required that pushed us to rescue and faux pas. It was our way to get for yourself a piece of love, which never had enough in childhood.
But inability to request and use the "sensitivity" of the other is our way of avoiding the risk of rejection or enslaved. Our attempt to snatch respect and concern without acquisitions and depreciation, which to us in childhood got more than we can bear.
And you receive courage for the sincere requests?
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