Often people experience unexplained anxiety or even the fear of ordinary at first glance things: to call someone on the phone, ask a favor, to go somewhere or do step in convergence with the other person. These fears often worth negative experience: ridiculed for request, rude treatment by phone, offended, dropped out.
Every time such an experience we explore the consultation, it turns out that it was the first time such an unpleasant situation was in a person's childhood. Then, in adult life, it could be repeated in more serious circumstances (this is really the mechanism of injury, I will write something about this separately), but the very first time-he's from childhood.
And as kids we were helpless and in need of support, love, care, and sometimes in the explanations. And we were powerless because the abuser was bigger and stronger, because the entire class was on his side, or that perhaps the most painful, the abuser was the most our favorite man.
And now, as adults, independent and strong people we are afraid to get into some kind of hair-splitting, for others the situation. Because getting the circumstances that are similar to the situation of our children's injury at the level of feelings, we again become helpless, frightened, hurt children who cannot defend themselves. The only thing that remains for us is afraid of falling again in such a defenceless condition.
Many adults literally shake the simple words, spoken at the consultation: "But now-you are an adult, you can take care of myself, ask the abuser not to do it, go away, Yes, eventually, physically protect myself." Many never comes that there are alternative ways of adult behaviour in certain situations. Search and application in the lives of these new reactions most of the work is devoted to overcome injuries.
Being traumatized, we as in childhood, suffer in silence, were hurt, fear restricting us and simply tried to avoid certain situations: never ask, don't trust, don't make a friendship, not enter into intimacy, choose work not involving intercourse. Due to the children's fear is a huge part of life passes us, and we are looking with envy on those who give, who befriends, likes building relationships, changes, travels and knows how to negotiate.
All this is possible if you know how to take care of yourself and protect yourself if lived and integrated the emotions caused by the injury. Then you're not afraid, but merely go towards new developments, people and circumstances of your life.
A little bit about how it get written here.
Forces and love you!
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