How often do we see a crying person sympathetic people ask: "what happened?" and he answered: "nothing!"
I'm not talking about the manipulation of the type: "nothing, but if you were to ask again, I maybe say". Today I want to talk about a situation where really NOTHING HAPPENED.
We are taught from childhood that we have the right to express strong feelings, only if there is something serious: with the bike fell, broke his knees until blood hit someone earring gold lost or favorite toy. As adults, we allow ourselves such feelings too only in extreme cases of serious loss, intense fear, deadly insults.
Ban on feelings. Why is it so?
Perhaps everyone can remember this picture: crying baby and irritated mom: "well what do you reveš′, what happened?!"
Here's to you want to tell such a fearsome tëten′ke that Light no longer wants to play with you and plays with Katia? Or that you have been waiting for new year's Eve plush dog and gave you a plastic rabbit? I hesitate.
That's the child does not risk, he also feels that in this his shout no question: "I'm getting exhausted with force so you are fine, but you're here to make nerves, stop!"
Sometimes parents sincerely want to soothe, soothe the child: "the Lost Hare? Well, you think, will you still such 5 hares, don't cry! "the child is perceived as:" what do you feel now-wrong, you have the right to feel this only when something terrible will happen with my (parent) point of view»
Awareness of feelings.
And in the first and in the second case, the child has no ability to understand their feelings, understand what they are called. Because children sometimes have bitter feelings quite adult reasons that they themselves understand difficult. Jealousy, anxiety, disappointment is hard to understand the child. The reluctance of parents to understand the feelings of the child or the desire to quickly comfort teaches little man repress their feelings, understand them, that future is fraught with difficulties of self-understanding and emotional problems.
An adult woman suddenly starts to choke on a party when her husband goes to dance with his girlfriend. This symptom was triggered by the strongest feelings in which the woman couldn't understand. Jealousy? But in the past it was not so much jealous, Yes and no special reason. My question, felt it ever something like that, she said, that a long time ago, when I was sick and bronchitis. After that, she was able to call this feeling-anxiety, severe, debilitating. Restoring event gradually managed to remember what caused this trouble: on Home Holiday dad danced with mom's girlfriend, a girl crying and freaking the entire evening, but mom otčitala her: "well, what's wrong, what are you so reveš′? Nobody died! ". After a couple of weeks, dad left the family.
The girl did not understand why she was so scared, remained in turmoil, trouble and with learned a lesson: "If no one died-not Revie!»
Teach to understand yourself and be attentive to his own feelings.
To teach a child to understand yourself and control the expression of feelings, he better not ask: "what happened?"
and: "what do you feel? And when you felt? What happened at this point? "
Teach the child to understand his feelings, complex and "ungrateful" task, because man, aware of their own emotions, harder to manipulate, it is easier to plug: what happened that you've razrevelsâ?»
P.s. many people puzzled: "I was beaten with rods not in childhood, parents were not drunks, now also sort of okay all, why me so bad?"
Really, why is that you? Nobody is not dead!
This internal dialogue leads people to neglect themselves and their feelings, not to delve into your problems, not to help themselves, not to support themselves without asking for help-motive-what is inadequate! Big deal, apathy, irritability, headache and relationship problems-none f is not dead!
P. p. s. Unfortunately, we often do so as there were with us in childhood, and copy sometimes most inhumane attitude, although there were a lot of good. You don't have to live the rest of your life! Don't be petulant for themselves and inattentive parents, let yourself feel, try to not plug myself and understand! You have the right to do so!