To me for advice often come people who don't know what they want.
Most often, they see no problem with this, and that it is difficult for them to build relationships with others: they don't know what else to do to please men/women are still help his good-for-nothing guy/son/girlfriend/friend/mother.
Just for years of training it became easier to meet someone else's needs than to realize, accept and meet. Easier to live someone else's life than his. That's when choosing Institute easier to rely on parents or society selection, than listen to yourself. And when children fly out of the nest, it is easier to continue to solve their problems than feel like want to use the free time, because it should be their desire to hear! It is easier to climb into her husband's case and try to remake: cure/wean/charm/heat, what to do with your life and your needs.
Why so much easier? One of the reasons is the lack of right to desire.
When a child is denied the right to desire, he himself is right too does not assign even when matures. And if the child still and logical and annoying explained why he had no such right, the adult life stage of the emergence of desire generally will pass him by awareness.
1Tanâ wants the ball
2 Tanya realises that wants the ball
3 Tanya asks ball
4 Tanya say she's a shameless, that wants the ball, because when her mom was growing up, played at all wooden toys, ceiling pribitymi
5 Tanya appears shame for what she wanted the ball
6 Tanya abandons his desires
In adulthood all intermediate stages disappear:
1Tat′âna wants to learn painting
6 Tatyana refuses this, not even realizing its desires.
And any intermediate stage swept so quickly that she didn't even notice: who wants to receive rejection, shame, etc.? The only question that refusal could not be!
What to do and why do I need a psychologist?
Any assignment of something we need a witness, otherwise we will have a sense that we stole it and it does not belong to us. Psychologist stands witness and Assistant in conferring this right. It's like leading the ceremony of handing over the Crown: If you attend the coronation of one, it's probably some sort of fake coronation.)
And even when you work with the wishes of many difficult feelings, fear that keeps a person from having to listen to these most desires. It is a vicious circle. A psychologist helps to live these feelings safely, then forces appear to discern what you want actually. I often meet during the consultations the following sequence of feelings in customers when we discover some latent desire: anger at me ("How dare you see I have the presence of such desire!"), shame ("you saw that I want this, want this bad, I'm bad, I'm ashamed"), surprise ("you take me even with such desires. But what happens then? "), joy and sense of force (" I'm an adult, I can afford this wish! "), sorrow (" I have so long been deprived of it "). Then there is the planning of how to get what you want, but that is another story, because many even if able to want to suffer paralysis Act if necessary in order to achieve the desired.
And here again come to the aid of apathy: "you don't know how to get what you want-lie down on the sofa, poleži" martyrdom: "I'm so unhappy, help me, you blame that you are all well, and I have bad" and Codependence: "I do not know how to help yourself, but your trouble-hand razvedu 'til I busy, their dissatisfaction will be able to ignore". These three often and find each other.
And you can learn to act in accordance with their desires, but that's another story)